5 Things Women Should Never Say When Negotiating

Call me naive, but I find it shocking that in the 21st century, women still make less than men. The facts are sobering: The average woman makes about 77 percent of a man's salary in the same position. Asking for what you want—and deserve—can help move that 77 percent toward 100.
Women with children make even less, according to the National Committee on Pay Equity. A recent University of New Mexico study shows moms earn 14 percent less than women without children.
I hesitate to blame the victims, but women need to stand up for themselves when they are negotiating. Research shows that women negotiate as well as men do when they are arguing for other people, not for themselves, says Victoria Pynchon (pictured).
“They aren’t bad negotiators, but they have been enculturated not to ask for things for themselves,” says Pynchon, co-founder of She Negotiates Sales and Training, a consultancy based in Los Angeles. “They hesitate, and when they do go out on a limb, they often are on the receiving end of cultural blowback.”
This cultural consequence can come in many forms. When people step out of cultural roles, others become uncomfortable and often show disregard or express anger, she explains. So, women accept unfavorable conditions and may even bypass negotiating altogether.
“The biggest mistake women make is to not negotiate at all,” Pynchon says. “They are happy to have a job and they don’t recognize that they have an opportunity to help shape the terms. Because we tend to compare our income to the income of our women friends, we are all operating at a level of wage gap.”
How can you negotiate better terms for yourself and thereby help close the gender wage gap? Start by staying away from the following phrases.
I’m sorry
Women tend to apologize for things they shouldn’t. Apologizing in the negotiating room lessens the weight of your argument. Stay away from saying things like, "I’m sorry to ask for this, but I feel that I deserve a raise."
Don't discount your worth right out of the gate with language like, "My rate is $5,000. I know that's a lot, so I’m willing to take 20 percent off for you."
“Just stop apologizing, period,” Pynchon adds. “You are already being valued less because you are a woman. Be confident.”
What if you receive blowback?
“Say, ‘I’m surprised that you would pay me anything less than market value,’” Pynchon says. “Don’t get mad back at them, just be measured and direct the conversation to a resolution.”
I feel
It may be second nature to express how you feel about a topic, but those words need to be kept out of negotiations, according to Beverly D. Flaxington, co-founder of The Collaborative, a business consultancy in Medfield, Mass.
“Most negotiations are about facts, data and information. Once you talk about feelings, you lose credibility,” she says. “Asking the other person how they feel can be off-putting. Why are you trying to understand what’s underneath their actions?”
OK (at first offer)
Pynchon instructs her clients to always make the first proposal. If the hiring representative says no to your proposal, respond with questions.
“Say, ‘what about this offer is not palatable to you?’ she says. “Start high or low enough to permit them to make at least three concessions.”
I never thought of that
Do your research pre-negotiation. If, during the process, the opposing party presents something surprising (or outright shocking), maintain composure, advises Alan Guinn, managing director and CEO of The Guinn Consultancy Group in Bristol, Tenn.
“Then walk away from the table, do your research and come back,” he says. “Always let the other side of the negotiation assume that you know everything about a topic.”
No
The point of a negotiation is to “drive the conversation to an agreement,” says Pynchon. Saying ‘no’ closes off the conversation and makes it difficult to start back up.
Pynchon offers an example: Your hourly fee is $350 but a potential client tells you he can only pay $200 per hour. Instead of saying no, ask "Why it is you can’t pay more than $200 for this service?" Or, try something like this: "Having talked about my services, I think that I will benefit your company in X ways. What is it about this figure that is [difficult] for you?"
Continue the conversation with phrases such as "I hear what you are saying," and "Tell me something about that."
She says, “It's all about active listening and trust building.”

The 3 Biggest Blunders When Closing a Sale

If you’ve ever interviewed for a job, you’ve likely been stumped when the hiring manager asked you, “What salary are you looking for?” Remember that feeling of dread—not wanting to answer too high and lose the opportunity, too low and undersell yourself or not at all and risk alienating your interviewer. Now, think about the sales prospects you’ve talked with lately. When you’re early in the process of qualifying sales leads, one surefire way to put them off is to sound like a hiring manager by asking them, “What is your budget for this project?”
Don’t fall into the trap of asking “the budget question.” From our 23 years of experience working clients, we’ve seen the three biggest blunders that sales people make when trying to close a sale all revolve around “the budget question.” These are:
1. Asking about budget too soon
Believe it or not, many sales people ask about budgets upfront, during lead generation, so they can tailor their offering around how much money the client tells you they’d like to spend. Makes sense, right? Wrong. If you ask about the budget too soon into the process of qualifying sales leads, you risk getting incomplete or no information from the prospect, and thus any rapport you may have established is about to disintegrate. It’s the equivalent of meeting someone at a party and then immediately saying, "Hi, Jeff, nice to meet you. I'm Bob. So, what's your net worth?" It can be perceived as rude and invasive in a personal context, and this may actually carry over to the business environment as well. So when is the right time to ask about budget? Read on. The answer might surprise you.
2. Asking about budget too directly
Generally speaking, it’s never wise to ask outright, "Do you have a budget for this project?” or “What is your budget?” Sure, these are the questions you want answered. But if you’re too blunt or too eager to get budget information from your sales leads, you run the risk of shutting down the sales process before you’ve had time to talk and get to know the client’s needs. Although we all want to win the client’s business, there are smarter ways to get there. For example, you could ask, “What are some recent initiatives you’ve done in this area?” This shows that you’re interested in the broader problems facing the client’s business, and you can get a sense for how much they might have spent on other similar solutions. You could also say, “Where does this situation stand on your priority list?” This gives you insights into the client’s level of urgency and eagerness to make a buying decision.
3. Asking about budget. Period.
Getting at the budget in a sale is an art form. Most sales leads don’t come right out and tell you their preferred budget; instead, it requires finesse to hone in on the client’s needs and clarify expectations of what solutions to deliver, and at what price. The real trick is getting the prospect to give you the budget information you're looking for without having to explicitly ask for it. How? Start by leading off with questions that show you're concerned with the client’s best interests. Then show them that you’ve been listening, and demonstrate how you can help solve their problems. Finally, provide a basic cost-benefit scenario and leave it to them to tell you if they can afford it. If you’re doing your job right, you won't even have to ask if they "have enough money."
So now that we’ve discussed the blunders, what is the “right” way to talk about budgets when qualifying business leads?
Remember that you are selling a solution—an “investment” that will benefit the client’s business. Don’t talk about what the client has to pay, talk about what they’re going to get in the context of ROI. Show them that they can’t afford not to pursue your solution since it will likely deliver a positive return for their business. That is, assuming you believe your product or service will genuinely provide this. Here are some examples of how to do it:
Cost-driven conversation
“We have a solution that’s going to cost you $X,000, but if you can afford to go higher on the budget, we also give you additional features for $X,000 more.”
With this conversation, the prospect is prompted to think, first and foremost, about what they will pay instead of what they will gain. A cost-driven conversation reminds the client of what they’ll be giving up, before they think of how they will benefit.
ROI-driven conversation
"Our solution can help you reduce your payroll by X percent and also give you more capacity and faster processing. This means that you can save (X amount) during the next 12 months. The cost of our solution is Y. So would a return on your investment of Z be a good fit for you? If so, then we might have just the solution you're looking for.”
You’ll always be on the right path to profits when the conversation is about the impact your product or service will have on day-to-day business operations or long-term growth.